(F.P.): I’m very agitated, particularly because of the way my husband has presented some things. I want my feelings to be understood properly. Perhaps that’s why I appear so agitated. (G.V.): I’m not asking about your feelings at this particular moment but rather how you’ve been emotionally over the last few months. Have you experienced fear, anxiety, depression? Have you been happy or unhappy?
(F.P.): Of course the fact that the psychotic episodes, my prob-lem area, have become more frequent has started to worry me and that makes me feel unconfident. Originally these episodes occurred only every three years or so. I didn’t have a very well developed sense of self-esteem until about 1979 or 1980. When I started to move out of the house and do things for myself, my self-esteem improved. Even now I have a much stronger sense of self than I had in the past. You asked me about my condition now; at the moment, I have constant feelings of failure, and I’m very frightened, physically very frightened.
(G.V.): What are you frightened of, your mental problems or your husband?
(F.P.): In normal situations, I am no longer afraid of my husband because I have established distance, mentally, from him, so that now I’m no longer really involved with him. Still, when illness approaches, I feel my fear returning.
(G.V.): Feelings of fear about your husband?
(F.P.): Fear because then all the images that I’ve seen before are re-enacted. The whole fear, the terror, comes back, and this causes me to close myself off or to act aggressively again towards my husband.
(G.V.): During a crisis, have you ever considered or felt the inclination to hit or kill someone?
(F.P.): Never. During the last phase of my illness, I had a con-stant feeling that I was going to take my own life – probably because of my father’s suicide. Take for example, me bending my body backwards and my staring expression,was interpreted