discern whether this was laughter or a sound that indicated that she was internally on the edge of weeping. Everybody around was aware of her laughter. It was during a period of sleep.(G.V.): What has impressed them most about her crises?
(H.): The most serious worries for us are that we see her inner fear – see that she is very mentally fraught – but we are still unable to help her in anyway. She tends to go from one crisis state to another. We never know what is going to happen next. It is this feeling of being unable to help that makes such a frightful impression
(G.V.): You described the problem, but what I really want is for you to describe what impresses you most during a crisis. Is it the fact that she moves about too much, or that she screams too much, or that she has a wild look in her eye? What is the most impressive aspect of her illness?
(D.): First of all, in the states of anxiety she is unable to distinguish between dream and reality. Let me give you some examples: She’s frightened of tanks on the roof of the house; or she’s frightened of the moon, the moon looks red to her; or she imagines that Judas is hanging himself in the church. Perhaps this is associated with her father’s suicide; or she sees golden eyes in her dreams, and then later on she realizes they are her own eyes looking at her threateningly. Sometimes she believes that demons live inside her. These demons can only be exorcised in a bloody manner; that’s why she tries to eat glass. My mother and my father apparently had dealings with literature of this kind – literature on demonic possession – several years before.
(F.P.): I’d like to comment on this myself. I’m trying to elaborate on the aspect of having demons inside. It’s not strictly speaking about my state as described earlier. This relates more to the way I felt when I was first ill in 1981. I could see my husband’s view on my condition, and it was really my rejection of this particular viewpoint of my condition that had something to do with my problem. Today he does not see my condition as he did then. Of course, some of the images that are conjured up in the dreams are real, and they can be interpreted as war experiences, for