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The Celle Seminars – Page 359

(G.V.): And you had the second inflammation at the beginning of 1984, is that correct?
(F.P.): Yes.
(G.V.): Who decided to end the love affair, you or him?
(F.P.): I did.
(G.V.): Why?
(F.P.): I never wanted to leave him, I even imagined marrying that man. He was my first great love. But he was someone who had problems arranging things. I felt that the responsibility to manage things, like a household and other things, all rested on me. (G.V.): What did he do, nothing?
(F.P.): He had good qualities. He was very patient with me and he could listen to me, and I saw that he understood me very well. I felt good in his company.
(G.V.): What was his profession?
(F.P.): He was a nurse. Now he’s a part of a theatre group touring Europe.
(G.V.): Was your relationship with your parents good up until the time you left the group, or did it become strained when you first developed an interest in men?
(F.P.): I left home when I was eighteen because my parents, especially my mother, looked after me like a little child. I felt that I couldn’t do anything without her noticing. I wanted to get free of her.
(G.V.): How did you feel towards her by that time? Did you feel she was too aggressive?
(F.P.): Yes, she was nosey; she even opened my letters.
(G.V.): How did you feel, oppressed by her?
(F.P.): Oppressed and I also think that I was ashamed of her because she did all these things. I couldn’t be alone and manage things without my mother. When I was a child I liked to do things alone, for example, buy clothes alone, but she never let me. (G.V.): What were your feelings, can you describe them?
(F.P.): Sometimes I wished that she would die.
(G.V.): Did you tell her that?