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The Celle Seminars – Page 258

(F.P.): Well, we didn’t actually separate, but I had the feeling that he just wanted me as a friend, someone to be there whenever he needed and otherwise nothing more. All this lasted for a very long period of four or five years.
(G.V.): Was that your first love affair?
(F.P.): No, not the first one. My first, deeper relationship took place from 1979 to 1981 and that was the one that caused the problems with my colon.
(G.V.): Why did the first separation take place?
(F.P.): My first boyfriend wanted to move for the third or fourth time inside a year. He wanted to move with me away from my hometown to another town, and that particular move would have meant that I would have had to upset my entire family by leaving them. He didn’t want to marry me at the time, so I said I wouldn’t go with him.
(G.V.):And then?
(F.P.): He left and was very surprised that I stayed behind. He came back later and did everything in his power to get me to come back to him. By that time I had realized what he was like and I didn’t want anything more to do with him. Once I decided not to go with him, the problems I had with my colon immedi-ately disappeared. If I had followed him, we would have argued constantly and I would have lost everything. I would have been in a new financial crisis, and I would have been totally emotion-ally dependent on him.
(G.V.): And then you had your second affair, which lasted from 1982 until now? Do you feel insecure about this relationship? (F.P.): I felt insecure until just after my illness, and then I just wanted to break from him completely. During that time I wrote to him and said that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. We were actually separated for five weeks; then he wrote back to say that a lot of what I’d said in my letter wasn’t true. He said that I’d imagined a lot of things were going on in our relationship that really weren’t. But I then realized that there was a lot of evidence to support what I thought.