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The Celle Seminars – Page 129

know that there is a driving, ambitious force somewhere spurring him on because if he cannot attain his goal, he feels very bad. Paradoxically, he is ambitious and this actually prevents him from being at the top of his class. He displays an all-or-nothing attitude: he must be the best or else. He pushes himself to such an extent that he winds up achieving nothing. The first thing that he says about himself is that he is fastidious and conscien-tious. Let’s go back to his childhood and his reaction towards his mother: “I am right and still she wants me to accept that I am wrong!” You can imagine how he must have felt! As mentioned before, the patient cannot tolerate contradiction. As a child, he probably reached a point where contradiction began to affect his health and psychological state. He was rejected, contradicted, but he was ambitious. He became jealous of his sister, which is understandable considering that he felt that his parents did not want or accept him. He said that although his parents provided him with all the material essentials, they never gave him what he wanted which was love and affection. All those other things were not what this child needed because he was a child with special needs. Perhaps he was an ambitious child who needed his parents praise in order to grow, and instead he was criticized and contradicted. The child then began to develop headaches and a numb feeling: “ I’m stupid, I can’t cope.” In actuality, he is not stupid. I see this as a depressed state; it’s a state which tends toward real suicidal depression. As soon as I saw him, I thought that his was most probably an Aurum condition because he is so black inside. Then he says something about music and I grasp at that because we know that Aurum feels very well with music. Aurum’s depression is lifted when he listens to music. If you refer to the repertory, you will see both Tarentula and Aurum listed under sensitive to music. Do you know the differ-ence between Tarentula and Aurum listed under this symptom? Well, the difference between the two remedies is that Tarentula likes strong music while Aurum likes softer, classical music. So, as soon as he mentioned this I knew to investigate further. As