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The Celle Seminars – Page 117

feel to be a burden and an imposition on me. People just sort of disgust me in a way. I’m sick of them. I have no reason to take that attitude towards people because they’re nice to me , but still, they sort of put me off.
(G.V.): Do you love your family; your brothers, sisters, mother and father?
(M.P.): My relationship with my sister is better than the relation-ship that I have with my parents, which isn’t very good. They constantly want me to talk to them, and they sort of devour me with their demands for contact. It’s as if they wanted to take the last bits of the thoughts in my head away from me, as if they wanted to have those as well.
(G.V.): What did you feel when you went to the psychiatrist and he diagnosed you as having a neurosis? Did that bother you? (M.P.): I really didn’t want other people to know about it, and I didn’t want to tell other people about what was happening to me. I invented a story. I told them that I had to go away. I didn’t tell them that I was in therapy, but I was perfectly aware at the time of how great my difficulties were.
(G.V.): How did you feel the moment you were told?
(M.P.): It was written on a piece of paper; it was totally mean-ingless to me. There were lots of other people with problems, that was normal there at the hospital. Of course, I didn’t want to admit to outsiders what sort of problems I was having.
(G.V.): Where are the headaches now mostly?
(M.P.): They sort of wrap around my head.
(G.V.): Do you have a constant headache, or does it only come at certain hours? Is there any time in twenty-four hours when you could say that you always feel better then?
(M.P.): When the headaches let up, even a little, I immediately feel much more tired; it’s like two effects that cancel each other out. (G.V.): When your headaches are better, do you only feel more tired or do you also become more depressed?
(M.P.): It’s just pure tiredness, any sort of effort makes my head-ache worse. For example, if I have to do something or if I walk