(G.V.): Computer linguistics was not the end of the world, it was not the truth, it was not God; so what was it to you?
(M.P.): Not God, but love.
(G.V.): Okay, but you still didn’t answer my original question: what is your attitude on life? I mean, is your life good or do you have problems? Do you enjoy life or is it an ordeal?
(M.P.): Nothing seems to be going right in my life. I feel com-pletely hopeless, as though there were no point in my trying to do anything.
(G.V.): Have you ever thought of suicide?
(M.P.): Yes, but at the last minute I always think, “Well, perhaps things will go right after all.”
(Therapist): He still hopes.
(G.V.): Are you a religious person?
(M.P.): I’m not a very religious person. I doubt. The church wasn’t for me after I was sixteen, seventeen years old.
(G.V.): Did you still go to church when you were sixteen, seven-teen years old? Were you very active in the church?
(M.P.): No, I did not participate in church organizations, for example, the scouts.
(G.V.): Did you ever feel the need to pray in very special moments when you were feeling very desperate?
(M.P.): Very rarely.
(G.V.): Did your prayers come from deep down inside?
(M.P.): No.
(G.V.): Was the problem that you felt a conflict because you didn’t believe, and so you felt that you couldn’t ask for anything through your prayers?
(M.P.): It’s not that I don’t believe at all, I just have strong doubts as to whether there is such a thing as God. Maybe it is a conflict based on the fact that I do technical things. When I think of machines it is difficult for me to believe that there is such a thing as a God, but perhaps that’s not right. In my mind I know it isn’t right, I know this now. I’ve always wanted to look at machinery and computers and things like that as something absolute, and I know that’s nonsense.