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The Celle Seminars – Page 70

(F.P.): I started an apprenticeship, but I broke it off because the whole situation there was chaotic. I was sixteen. I had a young boss who was considered to be homosexual, and that was something that I really couldn’t cope with. I felt as if I had been thrown into life without any backing whatsoever. My parents were war survivors, and I really wasn’t ready for anything unu-sual. I ended my apprenticeship there. The company went into liquidation anyhow, into criminal liquidation. In fact, criminal is probably too kind a word. I had other ideas and values.
I spent a year in Switzerland working and then I trained for three years in nursing. In the meantime, I got to know my hus-band, and then the chaos started all over again. Basically all the things I personally could not forgive myself for, like sexuality, again caused me problems. I was a child of the time. You could say my ideas corresponded with the current social mores. Before I got to know my husband, I was involved in a relationship with a doctor, who was manic-depressive. I think I really felt very much abused by him and all the things I’d said about sexuality came to the fore. I really think that he ought to have known better.
(G.V.): What about your own sexuality? I mean, was it strong at that time? Did you have intense fantasies?
(F.P.): No, not really, nor did I really have any strong sexual desires.(G.V.): Have you ever masturbated?
(F.P.): Yes.
(G. V.): Often? As often as once a day?
(F.P.): No.
(G.V.): Have you ever touched or played with your genitalia? How about while talking on the telephone?
(F.P.): No.
(G.V.): Or at any other time?
(F.P.): No. I’d like to point out that the man I slept with that doc-tor that one time And my husband made trouble for me because of this one premarital encounter. That very short affair was incompatible with his own religious ideas