as rigidness. I’ve talked about this with my daughter, and I think it’s a constant fear of being strangled.
(G.V.): Do you have a conscious fear of being strangled?
(F.P.): No, I have always imagined that I’d strangle myself.
(H.): I observed the opposite impulse in my wife’s behaviour during her last attack. We were just sitting around, frightened. I was probably there until half past one, and I think the doctor was there as well. Somehow, probably quite unconsciously, my hand must have gone to my neck. My wife saw this and tried to take action verbally: “Don’t touch the neck, don’t touch the neck!” She wanted me to take my hand away from my neck. I interpreted her reaction as worry; she didn’t want any kind of strangulation attempt to take place, regardless of who the victim might be.
(D.): For example, my mother has always had an alarm clock, and sometimes when the alarm clock read five minutes to twelve, she would get this panicky feeling that these were the last five minutes before the end of the world or, more precisely, before a nuclear war. My mother feels that it is her responsibility to prevent something like this from happening.
(F.P.): I’ve heard this particular situation described before. I would like to add here that the fears people have about their illness are real ones, even though these may be overemphasized. I’m very frightened of the future, about how my life is going to continue, and because of this I’m constantly being pulled between thoughts of what I can actually achieve and what lam striving to achieve. I’m pulled between thoughts of failure and ability. Just being at home does not satisfy me. I’d like to do something for people, perhaps work in welfare services, or something like that, but I’m afraid of taking a step like that; I’m constantly afraid that I might fail.
(G.V.): I would like to hear from your husband and daughter about your behaviour when not in a crisis. I would like you to leave the room, then you will come back and your husband and daughter will leave the room. Is this all right with you?
(F.P.): Yes. (exits)