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Materia Medica Viva – Volume 2 page 425

times they will try to conceal their misery by maintaining a joyful fagade, especially if they are amorously interested in somebody.
One has to see the clumsiness and awkwardness of Apis to believe it. Regardless of how careful they may try to be, they will knock over two or three glasses when reaching across the table for the salt While walking on a perfectly level street, they will somehow manage to suddenly trip and fall to the ground. If you ask them what happened, why they fell so suddenly and easily, they will not answer; they themselves do not know. They feel awkward; they are awkward. They will knock over both the bedside table and chair before reaching their bed at night, even though that same table and chair have been in that location for a very long time.
They seem to walk in a manner suggesting that they are rushing to get something quickly, without consideration of the surrounding topography.
This clumsiness is the exact opposite of the famous ability of the bee to orientate itself and locate objects spatially. Many Apis patients seem to have lost this faculty, especially when they are in a hurry. They give the impression of being internally busy or preoccupied; it is as if they are absentminded and an awareness of the location of external objects does not register in their minds. Kent goes so far as to say that this disturbance in coordination is the result of a faulty nervous system.
When they try to express their own emotions, they exhibit a similar clumsiness. They are "bumpy" with their expressions, finding it difficult to discuss their emotions in a smooth way. A natural and easy manner of self-expression is denied them, even though they harbor strong emotions. They prefer to contain their emotions, and if they do express them, they do so "jerkily."
Apis individuals are closed, not because it is their nature to be so, but because they do not know how to express themselves. It is this state that makes them often feel irritable, discouraged and weepy. They feel like crying all the time. Kent writes, "The symptoms themselves are great sadness, constant tearfulness without any cause, weeping night and day; cannot sleep from tantalizing thoughts and worrying about everything…; extreme irritability, borrowing troubles about everything. Absolutely joyless. No ability to apply things that would make her happy or joyful.." They try to hide their misery, but at night they will stay awake with depressing thoughts. Eventually, they arrive at a point where they are